UOB Passbook Savings is really really stupid

Tonight must have been the crux of all the stupidity that I have to deal with this passbook savings account. As I promised shaowei, I must put this whole thing in perspective, and hopefully someone in UOB can give me a good explanation right here on this blog post. Otherwise, I hereby grant permission to any major newspaper reporter to pick up this story for publicity.

It is a wonder I’m still using my passbook savings from UOB.

Let’s start from the beginning. When I opened an account many many months ago, it was recommended that I take the passbook savings, based on my “needs”. Fair enough, it’s just a savings account, no big diff.

Over time, a number of GIRO accounts were setup, so this sort of became permanent – it’s hard to switch when you know you have to deal with more than 10 GIROs going in and out of the account, and when it’s also the major account used by friends to transfer money.

Here’s where the stupidity starts:

1. There’s so minimal information about the transaction

The passbook uses some archaic code to mark each transaction. And the codes aren’t even complete. For example, if there’s an Internet Fund Transfer, it will show something like IFT followed by the date and the amount. That’s it. No sender, no receiver, no comments (even when the sending party insist that they indicated.

Worse, even when there’s a specific code to certain transactions, sometimes it defaults to another code. For example, all my transactions with HDB (for car park), JTC (for rent) are all indicated under the same code.

I asked the counter staff before – why is it so hard for UOB to print TWO lines for each transaction and put in all the details of the transaction – obviously met by a stare and customer comfort blurbs.

So what I do, I live with it. Meticulously, I’ll be penciling in to the space between the lines what each and every transaction is, who it came from, sometimes having to make my best guess.

2. There is no passbook printing machine around Kovan MRT

I’m sorry, I stay near Kovan MRT. There’s no branch, and thus no passbook printing machine. I also happen to work in town, usually passing by City Hall, of which the handy passbook printing machine has been taken away (now is Citibank).

Fine – convenience is not really a big plus for passbooks anyway. Therefore, it has been the case that I usually have to travel to Hougang to get my passbook printed, or occasionally walk over to Marina Square. Yes I live with it.

3. You can’t change your savings account type to something else without changing your account number, and therefore everything that’s tied to it.

So you see – maybe this was some design limitation, like each position of the account number has a meaning, so if I were to switch over to, say, a savings that sends statements to my home, I’ve gotta cancel ALL my GIRO and resubmit them for approval, contact ALL my friends to tell them to send money to my new account, and a few more business related stuff.

I can go on and on about software design, like making sure that serial numbers has no connotation etc. but let’s leave that alone for now. As usual, I’ve asked the counter staff and the blank stares are haunting.

So I can’t switch, I can’t get to a passbook machine, and I don’t know what my transactions are unless I stare at my small little book.

And here the story gets exciting.

I was planning to do some financial planning and do up my bills and forecast expenditure tonight, so I thought, since I was meeting friends for dinner in Hougang, why not go for a quick update for the latest.

So we had dinner and chatted until the air conditioning in Hougang mall turned off – 10pm sharp. We went over to the lone passbook printing machine at the entrance of Hougang MRT and voila it was blinking “Please Insert You Passbook”.

So like any sensible person, you would insert your passbook.

BEEP BEEP BEEP (ok, actually there wasn’t any sound) Error: The Passbook Machine Only Is Not In-Operation from 10pm to 3am.

And out came the passbook.

4. UOB passbook printing machines turn off at 10pm and restarts at 3am.

4.1 Firstly, why the hell is a passbook machine even need to go into “maintenance” mode? It’s a blardy printer than reads from a database. And with all my years of building systems and running databases, I can’t imagine a database system processing passbook savings accounts in a puny nation of less than 4 million people that needs FIVE hours of down time a day.

4.2 Secondly, why is it 10pm to 3am and not 1am to 6am, or something like that?? Some of us do work late, and being next to an MRT, one would imagine that any form of curfew would match the MRT down time, with the assumption that if the MRT is closed, then probably the traffic would be low and maintenance could happen.

4.3 Thirdly, if you’re down for maintenance, why INVITE me to put my passbook in in the first place? You could turn off that green light, turn off the screen, or put some auto cover / blockage, or simply don’t say “Please Insert Your Passbook” right? Is that a very very difficult thing to do?

Now to appreciate point 4.3 above, you have to know what happen next.

So there I was, stunned by all the above points. Speechless. Like I couldn’t get my intended work done. My dinner companions were equally amused, and I pointed at the screen while they read the statement on the screen (we don’t print between 10pm to 3am) in disbelief.

In about 10 or 15 seconds (I couldn’t exactly feel it because I was just stunned), the message changed:

“WE ARE TAKING YOUR PASSBOOK AND KEEPING IT, PLEASE APPROACH OUR SERVICE STAFF”

And sluuuuuuuurp the passbook went in again!!!

WTF!? Now, instead of printing it, you took away my passbook because I didn’t manage to snatch it away in 10 seconds or less? Because of what? Security reasons!?

5. UOB Passbook printing machines takes your passbook away from you if you’re not fast enough in removing it from the machine.

There’s ABSOLUTELY no warning. You know, like, just before the message was, “we don’t print in some funny hours”, and the next thing, “I’m sorry, you’re slower than the slowest UOB customer and we’re punishing you by keeping your passbook.”

The very passbook that has all my annotations of all my transactions.

The very passbook I travel one MRT stop away to get printed.

The very passbook that I couldn’t get rid of because the bank couldn’t change my account type to something else.

Now not only my plan for the night is destroyed, I have waste another hour trying to retrieve this passbook tomorrow (and that’s if I have the time coz my schedule is packed), and that’s hoping that it hasn’t gone into the trash (some idiot might be thinking that the passbook can be reprinted, but my annotations can’t).

This must be absolutely the best birthday present I got this year.

I’m sorry but you have just lost a customer for a home loan.