I’ve gotta move it move it

Moved – new address on the contact page.

Somewhere half way while moving, this weird feeling struck me: it came from the scene in LOTR where the souls of the ghost army was relived after the fighting. In 1 week, I had my entire last 4 years replayed: was sitting half way around the globe in PacMed AV room with American food, was in the Bay Area meeting friends, lots of them, and then left extremely hastily, to come back to Singapore to move myself further and further into the “slums” (consider Braddell HUDC to Ang Mo Kio (read: PAP) HDB, and now Hougang (read: WP) HDB), while “work” carries on with no end in sight.

But this gave everything perspective, like a summary sentence at the end of a long paragraph, and reassured me of my believes of what I think is right or wrong. For 3.5 years I kept thinking what would it be like if I were to be back in Seattle. And I got my answer. For 3.5 years I kept thinking if I would have been happier if I bit the bullet and get myself into tremendous debt in the name of education, and stayed in the valley, and I got my answer.

No, the answer is not that I should have just left (and it has nothing to do with the moral obligation crap – I’ll beat you nicely if you mention it back to me) nor is the answer that I’m doing the right thing now. The answer is closer to not being able to “draft” out your life before living it – each and every day comes and goes. If one cannot let go of the past (again, like trapping yourself in a cave waiting for the instruction from the king ala LOTR), one loses the sense of time and horizons and fail to move forward.

So it has become clearer that it’s more important to keep charting the course – to keep finding the next goal and aim for it as if it’s new again. As for the promise, quickly deliver it for Aragon and be done with it – since it’s a promise it has to be done. We’re at sea. There’s no shore for those who keep sailing in circles wanting to peek at the island in which one was left stranded for 6 years. The only thing apparent now is that I’m heading no where, if not towards worse living conditions, job prospects, and even, marriage-hood, all because I believed in a particular direction in which to sail towards. While sailing adamantly, I constantly look back, sailing slowly and surely, and left behind. But if I had believed in my goals and direction, I wouldn’t have bothered about the storyline, and just charge towards the promise land.

Only then can I grow wings and fly. Fly beyond the seas.

Only then can my soul be free.