Why am I still playing the trombone? (Part 2)

Did one of my longest bike ride today – from Beacon Hill out along I-90, make one full circle around Mercer Island and back. Feeling weak towards the end. Fall in Seattle is pretty, sadly I forgot to bring my camera, and as usual I dress to skimpily too afford stopping for pictures.

As promised, Here’s the second part of the story. (First part here)

Part 2 – Catholic High School Band – the budding years

The shock I got after staying for 7 long years in a school where I’m being known more as my mother’s son (my mum being a teacher in the same school) than myself was both elevating and horrifying. First time I experienced being fully independent as well as being scolded with Cantonese swear words. All in the good days of CHS (Catholic High School, Petaling Jaya – that would please Google).

During those years, there was an arrangement between my high school and my primary school, both of which are the most famous and highly sought after pseudo-Chinese medium school of the time in PJ, that a band member in the primary school automatically gets enrolled into the high school, regardless of your home’s proximity to the school. This was an initiative to encourage more students in the primary school to participate in the school band that was recently re-enacted, as well as to provide younger training, such that students are one step ahead when they reach high school.

Not that I needed that to get into the school, since it was pretty easy for students who do well academically too. As an aside, schools naturally want the smartest and the brightest, which will boost their rankings, increase demand, and as a side effect, increase the amount someone needs to “pay” to get into the school, an issue that needs to be addresses, but not now. I was just trying to make a point that the alliance wasn’t really the main reason I came and joined CHS band. Rather, it was the obligation, the expectation that everyone had on me, Eric, my seniors, etc.

Except my mum. Although she would prefer me to have an extra curricular activity, she didn’t expect me to be involved in the school band. After all, I show no interest at all in music when I just came to CHS. Piano lessons have just started with a new teacher. I call her Miss Chan, a student of Valerie Ross, and teachers in a very different style from my previous teacher. But still, I was more of doing what I was told – sign up for the school band that I already half knew (some of them often come back to Chen Moh to help out and play together with us) and play music the same way I did in Chen Moh.

Turns out I was quite wrong. My initial experiences with the band was totally overwhelming. In a strict marching band fashion, where we were to address our committee members as Sir and Madam, always wearing a strict dress code for practices (we switched to jeans soon, but only one kind of color – light blue), constantly scolding and punishing bad behavior, long hours of practice, high music standards, the list goes on. It’s hard to relate that kind of experience in words. If someone could, I’m afraid that many school bands will be left with only a handful of crazy kids who don’t want to go home. We even make a big deal out of leaving the band, the social stigma that’s bundle together with leaving the school band is sometimes unbearable to the extent that some people would rather just adhere to the wishes and commands of the committee for months and years rather than to just call it quits.

However, I was considered the “lucky one” as I stand out amongst my peers. It was very clear since the first time I joined in for a tutti (everyone) rehearsal, that I could play most of the music some had been slogging over the past few months. I came at a time where the band was preparing for one huge concert, An Evening of Music ’93. Turns out I was again the lucky few to be able to perform with them in a very short time – 4 months I believe. The other new members were just picking up their new instruments. It would be at least half a year or more before they can play decently with the rest of the group. And those that came from Chen Moh, most of them just dispersed theselves into other activities, tired of what’s affectionately known to musicians around the world as: practice.

Perhaps it’s the early attention I got from the other band members that propeled me to do even more. I received a mixture of envy and praise that was part of my initiation. One of the most vivid example in my memory was Eric lending me his own trombone – the very same Vincent Bach 42B that I still play today – for one of the rehearsal because we didn’t have enough trombones. Fortunately I was spared from the embarassment when they borrowed instruments from Chen Moh and I’m back with the same instrument I was familiar with before. I still remember myself sitting on one of those platform that raises the players at the back, trying to figure out how I was to handle this instrument without even leaving a scratch, all the the time looking down, really afraid meet the eyes of the other trombonist, who would do anything to use that instrument instead of the 6 year old tube that’s difficult to play and sounds way too thin.

Since I assumed that I was given more chances and freedom than others, my thought wandered on to bigger things like conducting and composing. Encouraged by Miss Chan during theory lessons, I started applying everything I know about the “I IV Ic V I”s and my JMC’s “Do Mi So” and “Ti Fa So” to writing some form of playable music for my friends. I had but one score at home to look at and learn from, and guess what it is? >_< A photostated copy of Beethoven Symphony No.5… tadadadaaaaaa…… It really takes a lot of imagination to picture how orchestrating for a 18th century professional orchestra would help me write any music for a beginner / amateur school band. It wasn’t until much later did I “rised” to a position in the hierarchy that allowed me to open the treasure box we call the music library. In there I found a lot more relevant examples that I would, passionately, copy.

Being engineering minded rather than an artist, I naturaly spent more time arranging music than composing new tunes. New tunes is hard because you have to market it first, so that people would know the tune and like it. Existing melodies are a great source for me as a music arranger because I don’t have to sell it. I can sometimes even reuse all the harmony that comes with the well marketed version of the music! This form of plagarism would later win me praises and trick even the most astute listener that I’m going to have a great future in music.

One of the first pieces that I wrote and played by the band for an actual occasion was 一路顺风 (yi4 lu4 shun4 feng1), a famous tune in the Chinese pop song circle at that time. You won’t believe how scared I was when handed the score over to Eric, on a Friday before the combined session practice (thanks to Muslims, we get a 2 hour slot for both morning and afternoon sessions to practise together on Fridays) and after much doubt, he said sure, without even looking at the conductor score. I pulled a blank face while I hand out badly sketched parts to the band. I mean, how bad can it get right? We almost never read original sheets before, and now we’re getting pencil drawn notes on photocopied manuscripts. The piece went by fairly ok, with Eric struggling to read and conduct at the same time. When we finally finished reading it, he looked up to me and said “Good!” and that’s it! How am I supposed to know what Good means!? He told us to put the music away and get back to what we were practising. I couldn’t fall asleep that night. Eventually we played that piece, after being corrected for some mistakes in harmony and transposition, for a farewell occasion. It wasn’t something to be proud of that’s for sure.

Skipping the many intricate details of my life, most of which I’ve forgotten anyway, I’ll leap a year forward, into Form 2 (I skipped the “Remove” year) when I was officially the “afternoon-session music-master”, i.e. the dolt who’s condemned to conduct the afternoon session (means Remove class, Form 1 and Form 2) band, about half of which are new members who just picked up an instrument. One has to balance between trying out new music from the collection of music scores and the self-esteem of the new players. It’s hard to bring everyone to the same level try as we might, but some of us will continue to day-dream and attempt to play those hard pieces in doldrums of the library, making a fool of ourselves, and hiding it away from the seniors especially when they stop by to visit during their recess time (the other 3 levels – Form 3 to 5 – have classes in the morning).

At the same time I got braver and wrote better and better, enough to establish an Alpha presense in the band in terms of musical training (I’ve got theory and piano lessons to back me up too!) and music arrangement. Perhaps due to my arrogance, I was never enthrusted into other things, including making decisions for the afternoon session group – I wasn’t even officially in the committee, but had to attend their meetings as I lead half of each Wednesday morning’s practise (the other half is marching, lead by the “real” afternoon head, Chen Luun). Or perhaps I was given a chance to do something more important, to me and to the band in general, which is to focus on developing the musical senses of the new comers. I think I took it the positive way, not really remembering any grudge against anyone, as I happily continue to write and conduct. Sigh, I miss those care free days.

Perhaps the one thing that’s not seen by many is my own burning desire to become a famous and prolific music writer. After arranging a large number of music for the band, ensembles, etc. I still didn’t compose music much. I tried once by writing a number of trombone duets, and low-brass ensembles, which turns out to be fairly nice, but that’s about it. Nevertheless, secretly, and slowly, I bidded my time, trying to keep pace with my mother’s ability to hide my music scores as she confiscate them because I was writing music when I was supposed to study, and also trying to keep pace with the technical ability of my peers. You see, the music I write is targeted to the player that I know and dear. Should you bring the music to another band, some players might find it to easy while others might find it extremely hard. My wish was to write music for everyone I know so that they can play and enjoy playing my music.

What a waste looking back at those two years. If I had carried on like I did, learning, writing, I’d be Tan Dun by today. There wasn’t any reason to stop. Some told me later it was just the same old social stigma that a music career has gotten from unknown sources, thus everyone around me has brainwashed me into doing computer science rather than music. Sometimes I would reflect on myself and find the rational where CS => ‘career’, music => ‘hobby’ were pretty appealing and commonplace. But that wasn’t what I was thinking in Form 2. In Form 2 I was thinking of getting deaf just like Beethoven did!

There was a dream (not the getting deaf dream…) There was a dream about me giving my life to music. In a romanticized picture, I see myself writing music for my country, my people, which I did actually having written half of my first symphony from malay folk tunes, and also our 97 band competition piece. I see myself going out to meet composers and musicians in the world and learn from one another, which I still do today, meeting the later more often than the former. I also see myself becoming influencial so that I can solve the world’s problem by writing music. No, this one I’m not there yet…

I’m still playing my trombone when I’m 24 because I wanted to stay close to what was a true dream, a dream that puts me in a position to bring music into everyone’s life.

There were nights when I slept feeling rather bad because I forgot what I set off to do. The next moring, I’ll wake up and forget all about it, just to remember it when I fall asleep again, and shiver at my own apathy. In this periodic “feel-bad” syndrome of mine, I go on with life with the same emptiness in my heart, hopefully salvaged by the weekly 2 hour rehearsals that I still attend today.

I’ll tell you more about CHS next round – it gets more and more exciting, especially when we started doing what we called “American style marching”, which is basically the drum corp movement instead of the British style that we learned from our army, as well as one of the most memorable concert we’ve ever had – An Evening of Music ’96.