I’m Drowning, please save the earth! / Muar Mandarin (麻坡的华语)

I’m drowning. Please save the earth. Stop global warming!

Speaking of drowning, I just realize that I’m also drowning under the immense amount of work that piled up this month. I mean this is serious case – 5 concerts, 4 music arrangements, 3 vendor product evaluation, 2 internal tool roll-out and 1 R&D project all to be done by the end of March, otherwise someone is not going to be happy. So stressed that I decided to take tonight off to scribble on ReCom, install some wordpress plugins, build myself some rudimentary photo flipper (not ready) so that I can start the long scheduled migration of all photos onto flickr.

Alright, since we have kimili installed, I can now post videos quickly. Let’s look at the most recent Malaysian phenomena: Muar’s Mandarin (麻坡的华语)! For the benefit of all the non-Mandarin speaking friends, I think this is an important enough video for me to translate the whole thing into English. I’ll also try to use proper English for the benefit of all humanity, but you’ll have to learn some by the end of this ok?

[kml_flashembed movie=”http://www.youtube.com/v/nmmjPbYU1og” height=”350″ width=”425″ /]

Introduction
I’m not a hip-hop guy (hip-hop kaki)
But I want to use the power of hip-hop
To let you understand my feeling
I’m not a fucking pussy
But I want to let you know
My Turbo is very powerful
So I want you right here, sit down quietly
Finish listening to me rapping this song:

I originate from Muar
Stay in a small road opposite Wetex
Where you can find many Hainan aunties
But there’s no coffee (kopi)

This place is not very big
It’s a small town from the big road to the 6th road as well as Khalidi road
Foreigners in Muar find it interesting
Because the Muar accent is damn orthodox and damn powerful
A class of its own and a mixture of many other things

Other than the 3 major races and the Bengali race (Mangkali)
There’s also an international foreign labour force congregating here around nearby industrial parks
When it’s Sunday, these foreign labourers will all gather in town
Climb up the stairs to find whores and buy pirated VCD
If not, they will be hugging each other doing dick things
You’ll hear many sounds and accent
Some of their looks are long, and it feels a bit eery (geli)

But what stands out to be Muar’s unique representative character is still, Muar’s Mandarin
Because the way Muar people talk damn weird

Chorus
Muar’s Mandarin
I’m deeply satisfied with it
If you’re not happy with that
I’ll show you my middle finger
I don’t like to put up a serious face
I feel that I’m awesome
Because everything my mouth utters
Is Muar’s Mandarin

Life here is simple
When one is idle one goes to stir kopi
Feed monkeys at [Taman] Tanjung [Emas] or fish at Muar bridge
There’s very few Taxis
But there are many aunties breastfeeding their babies

I bring you to disco
You’ll find many little little things
If you eat it I guarantee that you’ll shake till the wee-hours
And still can go to have dim-sum in the morning
As well as go to Tanjung to do Taichi with old folks

Language doesn’t have any accuracy, only localization
I don’t believe you understand this rational
Otherwise why would you go to KL (Kuala Lumpur)
To learn the fad in speaking Cantonese
And think that you’re so great? (echo: fuck you)
You should have some self-esteem and self-respect
Don’t be afraid that your own culture doesn’t have any precise definition

Teochew Kuay Teow
Hokkien Fried Noodle
This is our style, our definition [of the dish]
Say it out loud
This is Muar’s Mandarin

(repeat chorus x 2)

If you come here to Muar
Don’t be surprised when you see a lot of [Proton] Wira driving here and there
It’s not due to a lack of creativity
Only because Wira is cheap
And is easy to sell when you’re switching to another car
This is our practical, rational and patriotic intention
Don’t be suspicious, don’t hide here and there
Listen up, I’m talking about you!

At 11pm at night there’s another weird scene
Where you’ll find many transvestite (Ah Gua) standing on the road side seducing you with a kiss
They dress up very sexily
Because they want to do your business
But for some of them, their legs are so thick that they can go kick penalty [shots in football]
They have breast and balls
Some of these Ah Gua even have their dick stand up
If you stop [your car], they will negotiate a price with you
If you reject, they will say you have no balls

You can I’m Chinese pig (Cina Babi)
It’s you that’s “peanut paste glutinous rice pussy bowl” (pantat mangkuk kuih koci) (!?!?)
This small town is built by Chinese
If you are extraordinary
Then don’t just make milk tea
If you want me to say that you’re great
Then go to Parit Bakar to make furniture

(repeat chorus x4)

Muar’s Mandarin
Yo Yo

Ok stop stop…

(please help correct any mistakes I make – kudos to the team that put up this clip again)